WHATEVER IT TAKES

Sucker for pain.

Stablemate Trae “Durtmeister” Durtschi took age cat gold (35-39) and fourth overall at the Handcart Days Half-Marathon in Bountiful, Utah. The baby-faced assassin clocked a cracking 1:20:02, slicing three minutes off his “not downhill” course PB. 

The Durtmeister had an early rise for the 6am start time, with temperatures reaching 71°F (21°C for the rest of the world) before the gun went off. Good job Durtschi is as fast on the flat as he is downhill—finishing before the sun came out. 

With the Stable News cutbacks, Ally “the Chin” Smith endured a 48-hour trip from London to Ibiza, Rome to New York, and finally New York to Salt Lake City to see the Durtmeister in person:

Ally: How’s things, Trae … Yawn … Any coffee kicking about, as I’ve just got off a red-eye from Newark?

Trae: Anything for the Chin! How does a triple espresso sound? 

Ally: Oh yeah! Slurp! Boo ya! Here we go … That’s sure hit the spot … Tell me all about the half, pal.

Trae: It was great to run a flat half around these parts. I was happy with my 1:20 time on this course.

All for you.

Ally: As you should be, ma man. 80 minutes is great going. Any drama? 

Trae: Just a little. I finished in third place overall, but they gave the award to a guy who started 15 minutes after the gun because his chip time was faster than mine. 

Ally: I demand a stewards’ enquiry! You crossed the line in third, so that’s what you’ll remember. 

Trae: Yeah, regardless, it’s given me the confidence to be able to run sub-2:40 at the Marine Corps Marathon this fall. 

Ally: That’s the spirit, Trae! … I’m buzzing out my nut here … Fancy a wee Super Base 20/20/20 to help me burn off some caffeine? 

Trae: Let’s go! 

The News caught up with Coach Stazza on a Madagascan nature tour:

“To quote Sir David Attenborough, ‘Madagascar is a curious wonderland, an unrepeatable experiment. Simply stunning.’ Although not as stunning as young Trae’s firecracker of a half-Mary. A smidge over 80 on an honest course shows he’s more than capable of a 2:40 in the autumn. Good man!”