ORANGE CRUSH

The man, the myth, the legend is back in The Stable News. Yes, that’s right: Stablemate James “the Destroyer” Doran is headline hunting once more after he demolished the Antrim Coast Half-Marathon in a little over his best, with a 71:28 clocking and 60^th place finish in the élite men’s race. 

The Destroyer and Stable-bestie Brendan Sheehan enjoyed a 10-day “training” bender in Albufeira earlier this summer; the heat and the pints of Fanta Lemon certainly put a pep in the ol’ whippet’s legs. 

Ally “the Chin” Smith hadn’t even finished building the gazette gazebo when the Destroyer crossed the line:

Ally: Whoosh, there he goes, with a running form only a mother could love. Jim? Jim!? Pass that tarpaulin sheet up, and we can talk all about this little tickler.

James: [Hauling tarp.] Here you go, Ally. It was a really good race with high-quality runners from Ireland, the UK, and Europe. 

Ally: Top class field, then; you must be happy with that. Did you manage a PB?

James: No PB, I’m afraid. PB is 70:11 … But all will be revealed.

Ally: Ooo, juicy. Go on …

James: I was hitting my paces spot on up to 10km. I took on some water to rinse out my mouth, as it was dry—and I don’t like that feeling. 

Ally: Who does? I hate carpet-mouth.

James: The bottles didn’t have a sports cap on, so I opened my mouth like a young chick being fed by its mother in a nest. By doing so, it resulted in me getting a crazy stitch on my right side that I couldn’t shake off. 

Ally: HAHAHA, it’s a wonder you didn’t drown yourself.

James: It felt like it. I had to ease back on the pace and was only able to get going again after about mile 8; from there on, it was game over. But like a true Stable warrior, I battled my way home, thinking of bigger and better days to come.

Ally: And come they will. Another gutsy gallop, Jimmy. What’s next?

James: I have a little thing called a marathon. 😊

Ally: Nothing major, then. Has The Bossman switched your training up for it?

James: I’m starting my virgin journey of double runs in this marathon block.

Ally: That should be interesting. I’ll be keeping an eye on your Strava. Well done again, buddy, and I’ll see you in a couple of months about that “little thing.”

Coach Stazza’s arms were hanging off him when the News chimed in: 

“Urgh, the things I do for my man Doran … He asked me to make him my home-brew Fanta. 50 freshly squeezed oranges, mixed with a few Maurten Gel 160s before it’s all thrown in my industrial SodaStream … He’s worth it, though … Another good clipping from the old dog.”