Bone conducting. (Photo credit: ATW.)

Stablemate Raffaele “Mutant Ninja Turtle” Mazzarella scissor-kicked his PB into next week, whacking three minutes and 40 seconds off at the ATW Bedford Half-Marathon with a 1:30:50 clocking. 

Since joining The Stable in November last year, Raff has thwacked six minutes off his half-marathon time while following Master Stazza’s Super Base syllabus. Cowabunga! 

The Stable News’ very own roundhouse-kicking reporter, Ally “the Chin” Smith, somersaulted down south to chat all about it: 

Ally: Yo, Raff! You made that look easy. Here, have a slice of Hawaiian (the best pizza combo ever) and tell me how it went. 

Raff: Delicious. Thanks, Ally. It was a tough race in terms of wind and the amount of 180 and 90-degree turns on the two-lap course. 

Ally: Ah, but with your ninja skills, I bet you handled them with panache. 

Raff: Ha-ha, I’d like to think so. The route was flat though, and scenic—so not all bad. I secretly hoped for a sub-90 but knew at five miles I probably wasn’t quite there yet. With it being a small race, I was running alone for most of the second lap. It would’ve been nice to try and chase someone down, but nobody was in sight.

Ally: Yeah, man! Slicing through the windy course like Leonardo’s katanas. What’s your next event? 

Raff: The Yorkshire Marathon in October is my goal race, and after that’s done, I’m going to New York with a charity (my local Sue Ryder hospice in Thorpe Hall) three weeks later. Really looking to enjoy the city, as I’ve never been, so no target whatsoever there. I will eat and drink what I like with no guilt attached.

Ally: Yes, dude! Party time in the Big Apple! Awesome job today; I’ll see you in York. 

Raff: Nice one. Oh, leave the pizza. 

Master Stazza was meditating on the roof of his penthouse, channelling his thoughts to the Chin:

Ally, Ally. Don’t be alarmed, it’s Stazza. I’m in the process of mastering telepathic thoughts. Let me into your mind. Urgh! Pineapple does not belong on pizza … How could you? 

Anyway, let me tell you about Raff’s resplendent race. A fine display of pacing through the windy streets … He kept his head even while going solo, and when he gets the marathon goal and comes back to the half, he’ll be well under 90’—mark my words.