Headphone consultant: Richard Keyworth.

Stablemate Norman “Nobby” Johnstone malkied the Manchester Marathon in an impressive 3:23:29, skelping 10’01” off his best—but he was a bit scunnered not to get his goal of 3:10. 

The wee Scottish farmer thought the climate was “absolutely beelin’.” Ploughing around the capital of the North as fast as his wee legs could carry him, he finished 94th from 932 auld folk (M50) and 1682nd overall. 

The Stable News’ resident Scottish interpreter, Ally “the Chin” Smith, nipped down the road to decipher Nobby’s banterous blether:

Ally: A’richt, Nobby; how’s it gan? Let’s get intae this run, then. A’ll type it up aw fancy, ken.

Nobby: Acht, I’m really annoyed wi’ masel’ for no’ listening to Coach Stazza’s advice fir ma pace et the stert o’ the race. 

A hud a target of 3:10, an’ a should’ve been runnin’ the first hawf in aboot 1:36. I hit 13 mile at 1:33. Paid fur it at mile 20. Heid went doon. That’s ma third marathon where I’ve hit “the wa’” at 20 mile, an’ it’s definitely somethin’ I need to work oan in ma heid fur anither crack next autumn.

Ally: Ah, that’s pure jobby, pal. At least ye goat a big PB oot it. Hing oan te a translate this for the posh folk. 

So what Norman is saying is that he is rather disappointed for not following Coach Stazza’s advice and starting too quickly. He reached halfway at 1:33, when he should have been around 1:36, paying the price for this at 20 miles and hitting the wall. In closing, he feels he needs to work on the mental side and the discipline not to rush off before he tackles another marathon next autumn.

Nobby: Jings, crivvens, help ma boab! That‘s awfa’ fancy, ken. Aye, yer some man. 

Ally: Cheers, pal. Whit else ye got comin’ up?

Nobby: Jist a bit o’ fun wi’ some parkruns. X Border 10K in Feb (sub-40 box to try an’ tick), an’ a trip to the seaside in Blackpool for a hawf at the end of April.

Ally: Sounds good, mate. Catch ye. 

The Stable News called up Coach Stazza, who was firing into the haggis supper Nobby sent him as a thank you: “Oh, my goodness! I can feel my arteries constrict with every mouthful, but it is a delicacy, so I must endure. 😅 Well done on a solid run, Norman. I did warn you …The marathon isn’t a wee cowrin beastie you can bully … It’s a Loch Ness monster of a run that you need to fight smart. Enjoy your short stuff before we get ready to slay the beast in the autumn!”